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"I will tell of all Your wonders, |
"So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him." |
I'll try to keep this short winded, but it is so hard, since God has given me so much, including a mind that can't stay on subject long (look a squirrel!)
My first job out of college was always on the midst of a move. After around 3 years of this, a sudden move happened. My parents offered to come up to help with the move, which was great because all I had was a tiny car and needed to use a moving company. The only thing was I had to clean all the P out of my apartment first, or my parents would know of my issue. So, I lived on the floor in a new apartment in my new city and drove back to my old apartment in my old city for the weekends and cleaned out the P and other stuff that I didn't want or need to take with me. One day, during a drive back to my new apartment, I stopped at a store and got a P mag with the idea to hide it well in my Huntsville apartment. That week, I looked and looked at the magazine. Then something amazing happened. It dawned on me one day that there were words in this magazine....
I read a story about one of my favorite P actresses. She got into P when she was 16 (she lied about her age) and did something close to 20 P movies a year. At the ripe old age of 23, she started looking worn out and washed up, so she started having lots of surgeries done. By the time she was 26, she was no longer a P star at all and was doing radical movies to keep the bills paid. One day, strung out on coke, she crashed her car. The one thing she still had going for her was her beautiful face and she had damaged it. She went home, got a pistol and shot herself.
The article was all about how horrible that this woman had access to a pistol. However, God opened my eyes. In high school, there was a girl that bounced from relationship to relationship. In her senior year, she seemed to age 20 years. The strain of these broken relationships destroyed her mentally. This P actress had been in something like 40-50 S relationships a year for 10 years. She died inside YEARS before her body died.
Then it dawned on me. What killed her was the P industry. The reason the P industry killed her is because each time she made a movie, people would buy it in quantity. One of those guys that bought a lot of her movies was me. My "little issue" had, in some small part, lead to the death of a woman. Then suddenly, the scales fell off my eyes. Name after name came back to me of women I had seen naked that had later killed themselves.
I fell to my knees in repentance. I threw out the magazine, sick to my stomach. I literally went two days without eating. I had been involved in the, for lack of a better term, murder of multiple women. My greed to see them naked lead to me financially supporting an industry that killed women all the time.
Now, this was 16 years ago. In the last 16 years, I have not spent a DIME on P since. Sure, I still got as many free peeks as I could, and these free peeks nearly lost me my marriage and kids. However, I have not bought a single magazine, rented a single movie, or spent a dime on any website. God sent a "ebernezer" in my heart (look it up in Judges) that I cannot pay money for P again. In this, I give him all the praise in the world. For without him removing the scales from my eyes and piercing my heart with the truth of the P industry, I would still be spending tons of money on an industry that processes women like a meat packing factory processes hogs.
There is one story of my testimony. It is as weird as I am. A testimony that God lead me to read an article in a P magazine and thus opened my eyes to the industry that I was supporting and what it did to women.
-Ralph